It is usually because you feel you have something to say. Shannon L. Alder stated five reasons – to find strength, to find oneself, to light the way for others, to be seen and heard, and to be close to loved ones.
Understanding why you want to write a story of your life is most instructive. What is your underlying driver? Your motivations will affect the telling style, and what you want to achieve. Do you want to inspire, instruct or educate, entertain, or is it a search for identity?
Understanding other people’s motivations may help to clarify your own. Once we know what is driving us, we will have a much better idea of our audience and how to proceed. We will have an idea of the type of narrative we want to write and how long it might be.
There are two motives which seem to crop up more often than most: to self-discover and to leave a legacy.
Self-discovery is a search for identity and a quest to understand one’s own life; or even a search for the meaning of life. Self-discovery means that the fragments of our life become less disparate. They take on an interrelatedness, which was not previously apparent. We begin to make sense of our life and the world around us. Patterns emerge. It may lead us to share our personal philosophy of life. Perhaps we have found our purpose, or happened upon the wisdom of loving and living well.
Therefore it is the journey to, and discovery of self. This self-exploration has been a consuming interest for actress Shirley MacLaine who has authored 36 books. In a 1990 interview with Barbara Walters, she talked about the process of self-discovery through memoir writing:
‘I write so much about my investigation about identity . . . My publishers tell me I’m a memoirist because every time I sit down to write a book, it is yet again, about the investigation of me. I mean, I know that one’s investigation of self can be the most important investigation one ever makes . . . I find that with my life, the older I grow, the more understanding I have of what is going on around me. I wouldn’t want to go back to even last week and be one week younger, because I grow every week . . . I’m getting stretched between my feet on the ground and my head in the stars.’
Finding oneself is often about healing. Looking back at one’s life is a cathartic process. Past events take a new perspective and no longer have the hold on us they once did. Traumatic memories may be put to rest. There is a therapeutic effect in acknowledging, documenting, and accepting past experiences – especially if they were painful. What lesson can I learn? What is a better way forward? We may unearth the twin treasures of understanding and forgiveness (of self and others).
The other major reason for many people to write about their life is to leave a legacy. To leave our mark. Why is this important? It recognises that life is not a meaningless void and that our existence matters – in the physical, spiritual realm and in our relationships with others. There is a substance and soul to us. After we are gone, I believe that something of this stuff of life, this stuff we are made of, should remain. As a gift to others, in a desire to leave a meaningful contribution to the world. To leave something of value to family and friends.
We could leave wealth in the form of money or assets. All very good. Yet money and goods come and go like water. They are fluid. And like water or air, an adequate and continuing supply is crucial. Cut the supply, and our days are numbered.
Yet memories are made up of entirely different stuff. As ethereal and intangible as they are, they have real longevity. They have a future. When memories take the form of your life story, you have shone a light and they become your bequest. It’s about giving, being remembered, and leaving the world a little richer.
There are other ways we could leave a legacy. We could create a vibrant garden, or build a house, make photographs, paint a picture, create a tapestry, or make a recording of voice or video.
A part of leaving a legacy is the desire to be remembered (favourably) and this is a natural human desire, so that children and grandchildren might know us. It may also help them to know themselves.
There are other reasons people write a memoir such as connecting with family or exposing injustice. Or it may be to document a life’s work or a spiritual journey, or simply to be creative.
There is much overlap in people’s motivations and it is likely that we will be moved by more than one. But in the end, many people will want to write a memoir as a contribution to those around them and to leave the world a richer place.
If you do write your memoir, you will find yourself in an elite group, because most will not even attempt such an important undertaking, and most of those who do, will not see it through to the finish line. You can give yourself a pat on the back.
Mark Koehler